In the upper left hand corner of this photo is a crane. Its hard to make out. Apparently my husband needs to clean his camera lens a bit. All around me, in every direction my eyes can see, is construction. This part of Brisbane, South Brisbane, used to be filled with old warehouses, and what local Australians call ‘dangerous’ people – drug users, mentally unstable individuals, and those who partake in petty crime to feed their habits. Yet there is an audible sigh of relief from anyone local who describes how different this place is nowadays.
It is ‘winter’ here in Australia. That means grey days, maybe some rain, and a lil bit of a chill here and there. Just like it did back home -grey days make me muse- I find myself on these days staring out windows or looking around from a high vantage point at the area around me.
South Brisbane reminds me of me right now. Kinda busted. A lil run down here and there. Slightly muted. Empty lots next to multimillion dollar apartment complexes. Women and men sporting designer clothes as they march by a man lonely, dirty, and talking to his broken cell phone accusing it of being an ‘arshole’. People buying avocado toast for $20 while others don’t have the means to decide what they want to eat.
And then there is me. I feel like a modern day Rapunzel staring out from the 9th floor apartment I live in.* However what keeps me locked in is my health. I’ve been sick now for almost a month. I’ve been working hard so that my husband and me can enjoy life here rather than just ‘get by.’ Luckily I work from home, which allows me the freedom to be really sick, but still work…..and of course a number of other benefits! Yet for some reason I cannot ‘get better.’
It started as a sore throat April 26th. Then it turned into fever, dry skin, stuffy/runny nose, and arthritis flare up. Oh yes I have arthritis: palindromic rheumatism. I went to a doctor – he told me I would ‘beat this’ and to drink fluids and rest. The sore throat started to go away, but suddenly it became harder to hear out of my left ear. Liters of coconut water later I went to doctor two – he gave me a prescription and told me everything would be fine. Now I am still getting fevers, still have stuffy/runny nose, I cannot hear out of my left ear, and I’ve developed migraines. Tomorrow I see doctor number three – I’m optimistic that he will figure something out. With all these symptoms I am sure something has to be obvious to him – if only I were a med student and I knew what I needed to do sigh.
As I’m sitting here on my balcony -feeling so grateful for this new space I call home, and so grateful for this life I am able to live and the privilege I have always had in my life- I am acutely aware of the headspace I would have been in a year ago. I would have been feeling ‘oh why does something always go wrong’ or ‘oh when will the universe give me a break.’ I am proud of myself for finally moving out of that space. There will always be something ‘going wrong.’ Life keeps happening, and will continue to ‘happen’ to you no matter where you are, what you are doing, or who you know. And instead of worrying or dwelling on the ‘what if’s’ I can finally just fucking enjoy the right now. I am privileged enough to never have to worry about money, support, or love – and that makes me a hell of a lot better off than many people around this world.
It is with my access to affordable healthcare, the treatments/foods/specialty items I am wealthy enough to buy, and mental fire and gusto that I hope to regain my physical health back. I hope I will be able to hear from my left ear again. I hope I will not be plagued by weekly episodes of fever. I hope I can wake up soon and feel relatively ‘healthy’ again.
Luckily Thankfully, I have all the right resources available to me – let’s hope that is all it takes! I cannot wait to check in with you all soon, thank you for this space, I will be back in the kitchen and musing full force soon enough.
Much Luv, Laters
*Note: Upon reflection I realised the only similarities between myself & Rapunzel:
~I live in an apartment that mimics her tower
~I have really really really long hair right now
~I was born a woman